I told someone I had a keen interest in someone who she knows. I was going to say a crush on someone...but crush is such a teenager term to use. You would think I am working on hooking up with Rock, but I am not doing that, instead, I am just waiting and hoping for a miracle to reunited us again. I want to tell someone who has enough courage on my behalf to tell Rock that I really do like him a lot but again...sounds so wierd...I have this feeling it will make him less of a man so that is why I hoping he is going to soon hunt me doing himself. It is so bad I cannot even look at his photos on facebook...I just pass him by. He will need to know...he just has to...But I do not want to be the one to tell him. What bothers me is he does not talk to me, he has my number cannot call me, we are both online facebook, but will not drop a line.
But here is the challlenge. I have another hook up and he wants to meet me on saturday though I do not think it is a good idea. He is cute and all that, but when I have my heart yearning for Rock...I get scared that he will sweep me off my feet and I will lose the Rock...
I think I need to talk to someone about this one
I need to talk to God about this one and what He would do or will do.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
The Whole Soul Searching moment
Ok you do not know me right....you prolly do not even know my name. So between me and God, I can pour out my heart content without feeling like someone is going to jeopardize me. Which is probably not important because right now I really do not seem to care what happens the moment I publish this note. Let me just say it this way, I want to make sure that what I am searching for is really the thing that I want in life. The bigger picture: I want to make sure that what I am looking for, this beloved treasure,I am actually hoping that it is from God and part of God's plan. You know I do not want disappointment and even God knows that. However the difference between me thinking the way I am thinking and the way God is, is God will not waiver. So I keep asking that God will send to me His Spirit so that I know I am in the right direction. I do not want to fall, I do not want to miss another miracle like that one I did have.
I want another miracle to write about from my father in heaven, one which will make ask for more and more of Jesus Christ.
You have to understand my situation; when you have lived in a creek, a form of comfort zone, you get ashamed and realize that the oceans are actually wide and can accomodate any of my possibilities. So here is it, I am so ashamed of all the doubts that I cast on my dearest father even when I have lived to see Him perform his miracles. So what if I liked Rock and I want to talk about him? I wonder the same thing...do I even really like him or am I trying to see how far I can push my dreams. But yes, when you are in an ocean, you must be prepared for the storms ahead and I am pretty sure I am prepared for the storms ahead of my time. But I cannot turn back...I cannot turn my back on a dream when I have already witness the first miracle.
There are so many men there that would love me, but I keep thinking of the rock...go back years to our young days...it is a terrible kind of confusion, but when you have to be brave for the life ahead, well I guess that is what they mean but putting your best foot forward. I have done everything right, I am a change girl now, but he is also changed and I must realize that now, that people have changed.
But I have this lovely friend who told me with time I will get all my friends under one roof just like we were before. The only difference is we have all grown up, and moved on with our lives. I can accomodate their newness...but me? I can do that?
This is hard and tough...you know what I am doing? I am not playing it safe, I am pulling a stunt that will give me the lifetime achievement award and I keep telling God, it is your will that is done not mine.
At least God knows I am on a crazy mission, he knows I am not sure about whether I love rock or not, or whether it is because my concept of love is different from the way people think of it...He knows that I need his strength to go this great length. This is my soul searching moment, that I will continue to be at peace with myself and let God lead the way because HE HAS SAID SO!!!!! and that I should be like Abraham and say "God will provide" even when I cannot see what He is providing. If Abraham could be that daring, what more can I do when I know I have Jesus Christ to speak on my behalf...to just tell the Father that me too, I hope to have a husband and it is in my heart. For Jesus Christ to tell the Father that it is in my heart that I would love to settled down with Rock...
There are other men there...but with Jesus Christ, while deciding to die for us, there were other option...but He chose the road to eternity.
My prayer to the Father is that He knows my heart...knows each time I am thinking about Rock and hoping it will happen...one day there will be a coffee session which will lead to many other thing.
This is not a deal, but my human heart speaking in a tone of humility, wanting to move the step forward with the blessings from God my father.
Just because I love Him.
I want another miracle to write about from my father in heaven, one which will make ask for more and more of Jesus Christ.
You have to understand my situation; when you have lived in a creek, a form of comfort zone, you get ashamed and realize that the oceans are actually wide and can accomodate any of my possibilities. So here is it, I am so ashamed of all the doubts that I cast on my dearest father even when I have lived to see Him perform his miracles. So what if I liked Rock and I want to talk about him? I wonder the same thing...do I even really like him or am I trying to see how far I can push my dreams. But yes, when you are in an ocean, you must be prepared for the storms ahead and I am pretty sure I am prepared for the storms ahead of my time. But I cannot turn back...I cannot turn my back on a dream when I have already witness the first miracle.
There are so many men there that would love me, but I keep thinking of the rock...go back years to our young days...it is a terrible kind of confusion, but when you have to be brave for the life ahead, well I guess that is what they mean but putting your best foot forward. I have done everything right, I am a change girl now, but he is also changed and I must realize that now, that people have changed.
But I have this lovely friend who told me with time I will get all my friends under one roof just like we were before. The only difference is we have all grown up, and moved on with our lives. I can accomodate their newness...but me? I can do that?
This is hard and tough...you know what I am doing? I am not playing it safe, I am pulling a stunt that will give me the lifetime achievement award and I keep telling God, it is your will that is done not mine.
At least God knows I am on a crazy mission, he knows I am not sure about whether I love rock or not, or whether it is because my concept of love is different from the way people think of it...He knows that I need his strength to go this great length. This is my soul searching moment, that I will continue to be at peace with myself and let God lead the way because HE HAS SAID SO!!!!! and that I should be like Abraham and say "God will provide" even when I cannot see what He is providing. If Abraham could be that daring, what more can I do when I know I have Jesus Christ to speak on my behalf...to just tell the Father that me too, I hope to have a husband and it is in my heart. For Jesus Christ to tell the Father that it is in my heart that I would love to settled down with Rock...
There are other men there...but with Jesus Christ, while deciding to die for us, there were other option...but He chose the road to eternity.
My prayer to the Father is that He knows my heart...knows each time I am thinking about Rock and hoping it will happen...one day there will be a coffee session which will lead to many other thing.
This is not a deal, but my human heart speaking in a tone of humility, wanting to move the step forward with the blessings from God my father.
Just because I love Him.
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