My life is in your hand

I am actually listening to the song my life is in your hand. Each word is coming out as stronger as I continue to unravel my thoughts and put them into a sensible story of my life. I am finally calling it a dawn for yesterday and wanting to move on with life and place everything at the cross. I do not mean to say that I have never trusted God, but there are times I have lost track and never got to the depth of what He wanted me to have yet whatever is happenning in my life right now only God's knows the turmoil of my life and I feel like letting go but I know He will tell me to hang on because what I am letting go is a promise I have made. But you can wonder why the hell am I letting go a promise. Because obviously I am not sure about what I am going through, what I am feeling and why I feel the way I feel.
I have had the best relationship with God and I no longer have to sense He is there, I believe He is there. Many times I have seen Jesus walk with me through troubles just because I believed...may be the point of this whole thing is I want Almighty Father to have every inch of my weakness, and turn it to a pot of strength that is filled with the living waters.

I want to let God know that my life is in His hand, that what I am going through it tough at the moment and while I wait for a revelation, I am actually waiting upon Him. God has shown favour on me by revealing to me the deep things that I never knew could come to fruitions. I have always prayed and hoped taht I would meet somebody and I met that somebody not only once but twice. He has even text me, my question is, why would I want to lose trust in the Almighty? At the end...my life is truly in his hand.

A humble letter to God

Dear Father,
Just a short note to let you know that I promised You that I will never disappoint You. You and I know it was a vow. In my heart you know that battle I have been going through. So many things that I go through I cannot do on my own and I have learned to lean on You for now and forever. I know there are angels who are there and watch me wherever I go. But I know and can testify that Jesus Christ really holds my hand and assures me that everything is in line with Your plan. I want you to know, all that is happening to me and in my life is not happening just because it is happening. Everything is happening because Your Hand is on it...your precious Hand is on it. Father, each miracle has brought me closer and closer to you. I hope I have not been too much, but we both know I offer all that I am and I know that deep in my heart no matter how important my dreams and desires are to me, they are also important to you. I know with every fiber of my been that you really do want the best for me. So because of this, I will seek your kingdom and its righteousness. I assure you that I will not have to worry about anything but seek Your Holy face and wait humbly in expectation. Finally God, just know that I am so humbled by Your presence in my life. Your miracles, your manifestation, Your word, Your Holiness has drawn me to you more than ever. Thank you and I love you dearly.

SpringnSunshine

Why I am in Love with Jesus Christ

Okay sounds funny...but why the hell would I say I am in love with Him who has died for me with such great Love and adoration for humanity. But I will gratefully tell you hoping that somewhere along your own journey into understanding who on earth is God in three person, you will also fall in Love with Him literally. I mean falling...falling in His compassionate arms without crushing.

I have been thinking so seriously about why did Jesus Christ have to die on the cross. I was delving into each and every scene throughout his suffering before He died. I have watched the Passion of the Christ and to tell you the truth, it has drawn me closer to God more than ever. The first time I watched it I did shed some tears not of guilt but of happiness. In my mind, I was happy that there was someone who thought humbly about human beings and decided the cross was where He could honour His everlasting love for us.

There is one thing the Devil cannot do that Jesus Christ did...lay down his life for another person in the name of Love. There is one great thing that Jesus Christ did that no other person can do, die for the sinners and for the glory of God. He did lay down his life and go more than just His life and He is seated at the right hand of the Father.

Jesus Christ is a force in which Love dwells, He gave a reason to live and imparted to us the full benefit of the Holy Spirit. He actually let me know that it is actually possible to live without dwelling in the past, but living in the code of Love, Hope and Faith.
There are many songs that I have listened to that have inspired me to look in the life of Jesus Christ from a human perspective. There is Mary did you know which was sang by Clay Aiken who happens to be one of my favourite artist. The song is deep and engages the listener in Mary's life and how she carried the Lord. It sounds so far fetched but the song brings the listener closer to the reality of what God's plans were for Mary. She delivered a child who would deliver her soon.

Another song which I love is Breath of Heaven!!! I love this song because it is my driving force in life. It talks about how Mary is asking for God to be with her though out her giving to the world the son she also loves.

Passion of the Christ is a rather iconic movie if you look at it from a Spiritual perspective, the torture Jesus Christ went through, hanging on the cross, the way the disciples watched helplessly, the way Mary looked at her son...many small things that make Jesus Christ stand out...they make Him greater in a way you will have to be in Him to understand


Jesus Christ is an important figure in my life, the Love of my life, the one I look to in terms of self actualization...self actualization, I mean the man who reached above all thing by choosing the longer route in the name of Love. The One and only One who chose to put down His glory and come as a man so that He could show us the meaning of Love. His death has certainly drawn me closer to the father more than ever.

I have not stopped learning about Him, or the Father or the Holy Spirit. I have a lot to learn about Him and to get to the depth of God and His Love for us as human being.

I pray as you go through life, deep inside of you, you know Jesus Loves you and you can fall in love with Him.

So God help me

I told someone I had a keen interest in someone who she knows. I was going to say a crush on someone...but crush is such a teenager term to use. You would think I am working on hooking up with Rock, but I am not doing that, instead, I am just waiting and hoping for a miracle to reunited us again. I want to tell someone who has enough courage on my behalf to tell Rock that I really do like him a lot but again...sounds so wierd...I have this feeling it will make him less of a man so that is why I hoping he is going to soon hunt me doing himself. It is so bad I cannot even look at his photos on facebook...I just pass him by. He will need to know...he just has to...But I do not want to be the one to tell him. What bothers me is he does not talk to me, he has my number cannot call me, we are both online facebook, but will not drop a line.

But here is the challlenge. I have another hook up and he wants to meet me on saturday though I do not think it is a good idea. He is cute and all that, but when I have my heart yearning for Rock...I get scared that he will sweep me off my feet and I will lose the Rock...
I think I need to talk to someone about this one

I need to talk to God about this one and what He would do or will do.

The Whole Soul Searching moment

Ok you do not know me right....you prolly do not even know my name. So between me and God, I can pour out my heart content without feeling like someone is going to jeopardize me. Which is probably not important because right now I really do not seem to care what happens the moment I publish this note. Let me just say it this way, I want to make sure that what I am searching for is really the thing that I want in life. The bigger picture: I want to make sure that what I am looking for, this beloved treasure,I am actually hoping that it is from God and part of God's plan. You know I do not want disappointment and even God knows that. However the difference between me thinking the way I am thinking and the way God is, is God will not waiver. So I keep asking that God will send to me His Spirit so that I know I am in the right direction. I do not want to fall, I do not want to miss another miracle like that one I did have.
I want another miracle to write about from my father in heaven, one which will make ask for more and more of Jesus Christ.

You have to understand my situation; when you have lived in a creek, a form of comfort zone, you get ashamed and realize that the oceans are actually wide and can accomodate any of my possibilities. So here is it, I am so ashamed of all the doubts that I cast on my dearest father even when I have lived to see Him perform his miracles. So what if I liked Rock and I want to talk about him? I wonder the same thing...do I even really like him or am I trying to see how far I can push my dreams. But yes, when you are in an ocean, you must be prepared for the storms ahead and I am pretty sure I am prepared for the storms ahead of my time. But I cannot turn back...I cannot turn my back on a dream when I have already witness the first miracle.

There are so many men there that would love me, but I keep thinking of the rock...go back years to our young days...it is a terrible kind of confusion, but when you have to be brave for the life ahead, well I guess that is what they mean but putting your best foot forward. I have done everything right, I am a change girl now, but he is also changed and I must realize that now, that people have changed.

But I have this lovely friend who told me with time I will get all my friends under one roof just like we were before. The only difference is we have all grown up, and moved on with our lives. I can accomodate their newness...but me? I can do that?
This is hard and tough...you know what I am doing? I am not playing it safe, I am pulling a stunt that will give me the lifetime achievement award and I keep telling God, it is your will that is done not mine.

At least God knows I am on a crazy mission, he knows I am not sure about whether I love rock or not, or whether it is because my concept of love is different from the way people think of it...He knows that I need his strength to go this great length. This is my soul searching moment, that I will continue to be at peace with myself and let God lead the way because HE HAS SAID SO!!!!! and that I should be like Abraham and say "God will provide" even when I cannot see what He is providing. If Abraham could be that daring, what more can I do when I know I have Jesus Christ to speak on my behalf...to just tell the Father that me too, I hope to have a husband and it is in my heart. For Jesus Christ to tell the Father that it is in my heart that I would love to settled down with Rock...

There are other men there...but with Jesus Christ, while deciding to die for us, there were other option...but He chose the road to eternity.
My prayer to the Father is that He knows my heart...knows each time I am thinking about Rock and hoping it will happen...one day there will be a coffee session which will lead to many other thing.

This is not a deal, but my human heart speaking in a tone of humility, wanting to move the step forward with the blessings from God my father.

Just because I love Him.

INSPIRATION

I do not want to imagine that I am playing a cat and mouse game with God regarding going to church, but it is such a shame that I am actually not going. Okay I do not mean to state that I hardly ever think of going to church, but I guess in truth, I really try. I try to go to church and I would Love to go to church. Reason, suddenly, I want to have this relationship with the Father in richness and fulfillment and always remember than I am His child. Going to church to me is about obligation and returning to my Father what He has given to me over the days that have passed. It is the only time I think I would spend listening to Him through his people's sermon about Him and most of the time, He gives me the answers to my questions through these men of God.

It is tough, but I have to try and try and try and make sure I do have time for God. It is painful when I realize that I do have time to do other things but when it comes to God I do not have time for Him. Yes I do pray and read the Bible, but He is telling me there is more that I can do now so that in the future it will make me a better person. I do know that, I do know that He has plans for me.
So what is really bothering me? I spend too much time thinking about my dreams, hopes and inspirations and forget that God is a part of each one of them. I do believe I am aware of the fact that God knows my dreams, hopes and inspiration but I let Him down so badly by not letting Him do His will. The only way for Him to do His will is by me giving Him my everything.

I want to give Him everything of me, so that the only thing I gain is His righteousness and all that is in Him. I do want to give Him the much undivided attention, by looking at Him in a way that I am aware of His presence without asking for too much. I am waiting for a sign...keep pressuring Him I need a sign...always insisting and at the end of the day, because I do not have much faith to tell Him it is well with my soul...I think the Potter just keeps me aside and waits until I am ready and softhearted enough to be moulded into His own likeness and image.

I pray and believe that this coming Sunday, it will be the beginning of looking forward to all coming Sundays and thereafter revelation after revelation from God Himself.

RISING ABOVE HUMANITY

We must at least agree that Christianity is not about two woods nailed to form a cross. The manner in which Jesus Christ died and worse still calling out to God who at the crucial moment seemed so far away. Having thought about Teddy Omondi’s note regarding forgiveness, I have concluded that in all matters regarding to God, in three persons, I am left asking myself whether I am a better child to God or I am hopelessly losing out a battle as I fight to claim a share of heaven. I am placed in a situation what exactly God wants from us and how He wants it done. Why never seems part of the puzzle because the answers come sooner or latter. Just ask yourself the same question…what does God want from you?

And in a world that has succumbed to the ‘me, myself and I’ concept, trust me, I desire not only to know God more, but to rest assured that I am doing what I ought to do as a soldier in the battle. Or easier said, I am concerned about what God thinks about me and the more I think about it, the more I understand and become aware of my human errors, weaknesses, and strength. The way I charge forward to a world of uncertainty, and how I must leave behind the past. Forgiving, loving, been compassionate, kind, patient, non-judgmental…name all of them, how do I take up the cross and charge into the world like Jesus Christ did? I hope you get me; because as a human being, I will have the tendency to refuse to love because after all I have never been loved. I will refuse to be generous because that is all I have. I will refuse to be patient because I do not have all the time in the world and here is Jesus Christ who seemed to have all the time in the world to be there for the lost souls. Here is a man who took time to rebuke, and fight for truth…a man who chose to weep at the loss of the one he loved even when he knew he would have life and much more. Turn to yourself and reflect on these matters; does it bother you?

In deed it does bother me, and I have found myself talking more and more to God about my personality so as to ensure that rather than me reflecting me, I reflect the glory of God, His righteousness and Holiness. As a result, the cross becomes more unbearable to carry, the fear of persecution and the idea of losing touch with reality then finally I get to understand what it is God wants from me when He says, my body is the temple of the Holy One, that the old is gone and the new one is here…it occurs to me I must learn to rise above my humanity just as much as Jesus Christ lowered Himself to the ways of humanity. Few people have reached that ultimate peak of satisfaction…very few indeed. I am talking about men and women who have learnt to change for God’s sake. Just imagine for instant Nelson Mandela; he did rise above his humanity and has taught us we can fight for truth and learn to forgive. Or Abraham even to the point of despair believed that God would provide, or Moses who rather than beat about the bush, had the courage to face the burning bush.

I do not know about you, but Christianity has changed, there is more about it that our human systems can offer us and I am challenging you…look to God and believe in the unbelievable.

CINDERELLA: WHEN JESUS CALMED THE STORM

Cinderella is no extraordinary girl. Just the girl next door who has a troubled past and wishes for a chance like any other girls to see the world through the magnifying glass. Anyone who has read her story would find her a very captivating girl, beautifully sculptured for anyone’s imagination. In the outside Cinderella is a wonderful person, in the outside, she is dying.

She is the kind of woman who has locked herself into the world of hopelessness and has learnt to keep herself in the dungeon of despair. She is the kind of woman outside there who has no idea what lies beneath her, the one who lets the others use her so long as they know she does not know what she is capable of. The opportunity has arisen for Cinderella to shine and seems otherwise when her step mother forbids her from venturing into the world outside. The kind of person who tells you it is impossible….because they know your possibilities are limitless and they help you lock your potential in a dungeon…they know.

It is time to break away, tame the seas and give away the shame to the wind, because it has never occurred to Cinderella that the world is bigger than what her mind is able to capture and when her fairy godmother steps in to rescue her, she realizes the potential of her inside lies within what she has in her mind. When the changes happen, Cinderella takes her first step into the world outside and she sees it as a retreat from the hollowness of her soul. With one condition, she needs to get back to reality before midnight…and abandon her old self .Cinderella has no idea what the future holds, but even as God was taking her to the world, He knew that and had equipped her for the task ahead. She has the courage to make things happen but…the many buts of life that hold us back.

Cinderella is one of the million of us who prefer the comfort of what we know rather than the change that we must embrace and her dungeon is better than what the Prince Charming has to offer her and the storm within her rages for a while before the Prince Charming calms the sea and lets her see further beyond the calmness of her heart.

Jesus Christ told the disciples to set out to the other side of the lake (Luke 8:22-25) which they did, and while they were crossing over, there was a storm and one of them said to Jesus, “Master Master, we’re going to drown!” Now Jesus was asleep, so he woke up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters…then he asked, “Where is your faith?”
Whatever reason Jesus decided to take a nap….the same reason Cinderella’s godmother did not go with her to the ball. They knew both Cinderella and the disciples had the courage to calm the storm that would be ahead of them. We can always have the slippers of our lives if we want. However, it takes the strength to hold to the slippers, because happily ever after is a stage going and coming and many things to learn.
What do you believe? What is your faith? Can you be like Moses, part the sea and cross over or keep the staff and remain with the oppressors? Like Steve Biko said, “The greatest weapon in the hands of the oppressors is the mind of the oppressed.”

Entering the world

In all fairness, I have no idea why I started this blog. And apparently it has been lying idle since November 2008. Still, I have a lot to say without speaking them out. I can tell you about life without getting to make it look like a dull affair.

Sometimes I have nothing to write about here, but it never means that I am suffering from a major writers block...just that probably I need to talk about something with the right set of moods. No point writing about something sad when I am happy.

So I begin my blog with the way I feel right now. Like now I feel so humbled that I am speechless before God and I do not want to say a thing because I know He knows what I feel.
It could have been different yesterday and probably all those other days but I never get a chance to compare and contrast each day because after all...I think each day is totally different, has it moments, and its opportunities.

I wanted to write a story, but I figured hell no, and reason been, a story...fictitious story is penned not typed online. I think there is a difference. My world is larger than I thought. Today I spent most of the evening gawking in amazement at great sense of photography. I was torn between the genuineness of the photos and assuming that they were painted otherwise. However the one greatest art of all arts that took me by grand surprise was the art of cake decoration. Wow!!!! It was and will be the only thing I will never forget.
The twisted colour and texture that brought out cakes to look exotic yet simple and nearly affordable!!!!
Trust me, you can bake a cake and decorate it to your specifics with a lot of grandeur without feeling the pinch of your pocket. That was just one side of the cake decorating art. They were daring and so bold...in any case there is a new generation of minds which think beyond the ordinary and chase no longer after winds but a reality which is brought alive by art itself.

I have learnt that baking cakes, decorating them and displaying them is a way into one person's personality. Be it the portrayal of modernism, traditional flair, or classic touch to it, the characteristic of a person is bound to show up in the the way a cake is designed. Like a house, the foundation is based on what one really wants and perceived to make a cake wholesome. Flour, eggs, baking powder, cocoa, milk, fruits chocolate among other ingredients make a basic cake. The richer the foundation the more sensual the cake and firm it will be . I love my cakes with vanilla essence and or with dark chocolate and fruits (most likely sultanas and raisin). The daring part of me would settle for nuts. If you are genuine fan of Nutfield...the company has a gift in creating honey coated nuts that make you understand the implication of lust if not gluttony. Hence, I began to ponder with the idea of filling cakes with nuts particularly peanuts and macadamia.

Do not get me wrong, I have just gone through a cake design website and it has resurrected in me the spirit of bakery and its artistry. I long to have a chance to venture into that art of baking and giving it the adventure that my mind can afford to reveal to the hands what God has placed in my mind...Gifted Hands.
From the foundation, when a cake has been baked and is ready, begins a job for a few chosen ones. Dressing up a cake for an occasion is like an occasion itself. Whatever you do with it, whatever you think of while you bring life to a cake, it is one of the most relishing moment for any cake lover. Whether it is the Black Forest, or Carrot cake or Devil Food cake, it is like watching in amazement as a new born child enters into a world from the mother's womb. It is the act of self actualization and giving this one form of food a sense of purpose and life. Let us admit it, we all want to eat the cake, but while you look at it, you see the soul and life of it. If you are a lover of fine things, you will even do exactly what the Father did, say it is good. You would be proud like the Father is proud when He looks at each one of us with such love.

I do not mean to make cakes look like heaven...they are not, they are just a part of our lives which speak for themselves with such beauty. Some of them are so limp and timid like I'd say Marble cake, others are as wicked as the Devil's food cake and others are just sweet tempered as the Carrot cake...they do have a personality as human beings.

Or may be as I think about how much the Father's love is so deep, I am left so speechless I do not know what to say of Him. I am left with the feeling of utter Joy that as much as it was painful that Jesus Christ had to go through all that, at least it was for the best of each one of us. The deed has been done and He has shown us How much the Father's love run deep.
It is my way of entering a world of my own where thoughts can be jumbled but with time they begin to make sense.
Genesis 1:1-2, "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters."

I have just began, and I will continue to emulate the work of God, and pray that writing it down on blog will help you understand God in the way I understand and LOVE Him...